Get Ready
by Lieutenant Kitsurubami
Summary: Master Hand kidnaps Princess Zelda and the Smashers must unite with some dude named PY to save the Princess so they can throw a party. Be warned: Organized Randomness! Which is technically impossible! Eh. R&R, people!
1. Chapter 1

1

Get Ready

An SSBM fanfic

Please R&R!

Disclaimer: No, I do not own SSBM or any of its characters, stages or items. I will add some of my own, though.

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Roy's House

Invitation: _You have been cordially invited..._

Roy: What does "cordially" mean?

Marth: I dunno. Ask Mr. Pony.

PY: My name is NOT Mr. Pony! (Whacks Marth with a toy pony) And I think "cordially" means it has something to do with rock bands.

Roy: Why would it have anything to do with rock bands?

PY: You see... Rock bands - rock - Gregory the penguin - electric guitars - cord - amplifier - people. YEAH!(Starts to headbang, but hits his head on the pony and stops) See? Cord is fourth after rock bands! Cord... cordially...

Marth: That doesn't mean anything, Mr. Pony. (Gets whacked by PY)

Roy: Oh well. Let's just go to Hyrule Castle to see what's going on.

PY: How are we going to get there?

Roy: Uh... didn't think about that...

Marth: Hey! Look at the last line!

Invitation(last line): _As for getting here, you're on your own._

PY: Meanie!

Roy: (turning invitation over) Hey! There's stuff on the back, too!

Invitation(REALLY last line): _We're just kidding. We made a Farore's Wind warp point in your world. The bad news is, it's on the bottom of the ocean. We'll be waiting to see if you turn up or not. Hahahahahahahaha!_

_-Zelda & Link_

All: Oh, crap...

Meanwhile...

France: (explodes)

French People: (move to England)

English People: grrr...

Hyrule Castle

Princess Zelda: La la la... LINK!

Link: (appears next to Zelda) Yes, milady?

Zelda: The guests will be here any moment! Change into something more formal!

Link: Why, are we going deep-sea exploring?

Zelda: No, unless you plan on wearing a dress. Change into a tuxedo or something!

Link: What's a tuxedo?

Zelda: Oh, never mind! Just get into your black tunic.

Link: Yes, milady! (Runs off)

Zelda: LINK! That's the cesspit!

Link: What? Oh ReDead- (trips)

SPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!

Zelda: Oh, no... EEP- (is grabbed from behind)

Master Hand,,. ,,. ,.

Translator: He said: Mwahahahaha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha.

Master Hand,,,,!

Translator: He said: Ha! The princess is mine!

Zelda: Mmph mmphmmph mmph mmph mmphmmphmmph mmphmmph!

Zelda's Translator: Hey, Jack.

Translator: Hi Carl.

Zelda's Translator: Anyway... She says: Your princess is at another castle!

MH,,,,,,. (flies off with Zelda)

Translator: He says: Blast! Oh well, I'll take her anyway. Hey! Come back! (Runs after MH)

ZT: (runs after the three) Wait! Come baaaaaack!

Link: (climbs out of cesspit with a tired expression on his face and nursing his arm) Too many.. Overpowered... so much... biting...

Cesspit: (growls)

Link: (jumps) AAH! Hey, where'd Zelda go? Zelda? Zelda! ZELDA! NOOOOOOOOOO!

Outside Hyrule Castle

Captain Falcon: Where-uh is Zelda?

Samus: (takes off helmet) And where are Kirby, DK, Marth and Roy?

Kirby: AAAAAAAAH! (Crashes Warp Star into ground with DK in tow)

Fox: Well, that solves the Kirby & DK problem... But where are Marth and Roy?

Hyrule Castle Gates: (open)

Link: I am afraid I have bad news!

Everyone(in chorus): What happened?

Link: Princess Zelda- Hey! Where are Marth and Roy? Did they not make it?

Lake: Spit!

Marth, Roy & PY: AAAAAAAAH! (Fly out of lake and crash into Kirby & DK)

Falco: And that solves _that _problem. Who's the other?

Marth: That's Mr. Pony. You can call him Ponyboy.

Falco: Yay!

PY: My name is NOT Mr. Pony! Or Ponyboy! Im PY.

Roy: Which stands for "PonyYummy"

PY: No it doesn't!

Link: Quiet! Anyway, Princess Zelda has been Kidnapped! With a capital letter!

Everyone: (gasps) A Capital Letter!

Mario: So... Who did it?

Link: Uh... well... I haven't gotten that far yet...

PY: (singing) I... like... to... Chase my tail! (Spins) Chase my tail! (Spins twice) Chase my tail! (Spins thrice) Chase it!

Roy: PY! Now is not the time! Link! Where do you think Zelda has gone?

Link: I have a plan...

Well, that's the end of the first chapter! PLEASE review!


	2. Chapter 2

1

Get Ready

an SSBM Fanfic by Xysti

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own SSBM or any of its characters. If I did, I would be FREAKING RICH! Although I add characters and speech of my own. I also do not own Happy Tree Friends or any of its characters because if I did, my mum wouldn't let me onto the computer anymore.

Funky catchphrases and disturbing songs © me. Don't copy them.

A/N: Due to several threats(just kidding), I am changing my format back to regular so I don't get banned. Sorry for any confusion!

Also, if you absolutely love DK, leave... right... Now! It's nothing real bad, but I don't like him. Have you looked at him lately? He doesn't have any clothes on, but he wears a tie. And as far as I know, he is not a Chippendale dancer. He doesn't even wear pants!

Anyway, here we go...

Commercial: Spam!

The World's Cheapest Lunch Meat!

Commercial: Spam!

It's Those Annoying E-Mail Messages!

Hyrule Castle

Link pointed to the blueprint and said, "Okay, Yoshi, we're going to wrap you in toilet paper and fling you over to Final Destination with this giant slingshot." He pointed to a big flowy arrow. "And, if DK's calculations are incorrect-" DK hit Link on the head with a banana. "-OW! Which they of course won't be-" DK smiled and swung away on bacon fritters. "-Then you will fall into an abyss and will pop out in Brinstar forty-seven billion years from now. But don't worry- DK is the smartest Smasher here!" Link drawled on as DK swung back and stuck a banana in his eye.

Yoshi looked absolutely terrified. It was going to say, "What! How the hell am I going to make it? Oh well, maybe when I go to Brinstar forty-seven billion years from now, I'll have a beard and a mustache big enough that Big Bob-omb won't make fun of it" but all that came out was, "Whee woo, awawawawawaw!"

Zelda was going to say something at this point, but she wasn't there so she exploded.

PY got an inspiration at that point and said, "Wow! It must be excited!" and started humming the Dr. Mario tune. Then he added his own words. Then, as if to spite the eyes of all in the vicinity, he started to dance. The ones in the audience that survived were carried away on stretchers. Link looked out after wiping the blood out of his eyes and ears said, "Hey! Where'd our audience go? Now we won't get any good reviews!" He looked at PY, who stopped dancing and singing so he could run to the computer and watch Happy Tree Friends.

Popo ran out of the stair room and shouted, "Sir Commander General Mas-" Everyone looked at him funny. Link said, "You tell nothing" and went back to calling the hospital seeing if he could get any of their reviewers back.

"La la la la la! La la, la la la! La la la la la!"

"PY! Shut up!"

Popo said, "Link! The giant slingshot is READY! Mwahahaha!

"Hmm hmm hmm hmm hmm! Hmm hmm, hm-" was PY's shortened response, but at that moment Yoshi was being dragged up to the roof by Ness and Roy. Link was in a heated argument with the nurse. "Well, I don't care whether their eyes were burned out and their eardrums popped! WE NEED REVIEWS! What? Oh, you- Will somebody tell me why the hell Roy and Ness are carrying a wad of toilet paper to the rooftop! -Oh, sorry miss. What? They're all dead? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Hee hee, Lumpy just cut his leg off! Oops, it was the wrong one! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

Fox shot at PY with the New, Improved Super Scope, which made PY run away holding his scorched fingers.

Green Dinosaur Dream Sequence

In Yoshi's dream, it was a piece of poo. It's monkey master cared for him deeply. The monkey would feed it, dress it, even bathe it. He would even wrap it in toilet paper and put it in a slingshot. Then one day, scary men came to his jungle home. They tried to put the monkey in a big cage that roared. At first, the monkey was winning, but one of the big men shot him with a dart that came from a long pole. He felt weakened. He realized that he could hold on to consciousness for long. As a last resort, the monkey threw his cherished poo at one of the men, and-

Yoshi woke up. It's toilet paper shell was in tatters. It looked up, and saw Princess Zelda standing in front of it with bloodied fangs and deep, soulless red eyes. Master Hand's laughing voice echoed to the beyond.

What will happen next? Please review, people!


	3. Chapter 3

1

Get Ready

a SSBM fanfic by Xysti

Disclaimer: Nope. Still don't own SSBM or any of its characters. Will add my own for food.

Yay! Even though you all died, I still got good reviews!

Commercial: My School!

My school is awesome because- Wait, what am I talking about?

Commercial: Altimiran Crimson, The Fic!

The serious side to a funny writer!

Yoshi woke from his sleep as it heard maniacal laughter. Thinking it was in a horror movie, it limped over to the door with a hunch in its back and a slow, rough breathing. It looked out of the window set with steel bars in the door, and to its dismay, saw the Turtle of Terrible Terror himself, Bowser! He had red eyes and fangs, just like Zelda. Yoshi said, "Bawawawawaw!" and he responded, **I Have no need for brains, Igor. **Yoshi was astounded at how different Dybbuk Bowser sounded. It backed away towards the far wall. Just as the eidolon smashed the door through, the ceiling exploded. Someone on the other side shouted, "Fimbulvetr!" and the dybbuk was suddenly encased in ice. It would have been far more heroic if Yoshi's rescuer didn't trip on the rubble.

PY lifted himself up on the frozen possessee and was hit with a sudden phantasmagoria. He barely recovered when he was sent a new mind attack. The colors fleeting across his mind eventually took his consciousness away.

Hyrule Castle

Marth was strolling down a hallway. Where was Mr. Pony? He hadn't had anyone to make fun of for three days now. Except for Pichu, who responded to every insult with something like "Chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu before you swallow!", which made Marth feel depressed. He looked behind a painting of Mario and jumped as an alarm speaker played Beethoven's Fifth and flashed with bright mauve lights. Shouts and screams could be heard all over the castle. Marth rushed to the kitchen, and asked Roy what happened. When Roy looked at him, Marth screamed like a little girl. Roy's eyes were bloodshot and he was moaning, "Foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood...". Link came up from behind and hit Roy with a sausage and shouted at Marth something about not having anymore food and all the grocery stores in the vicinity exploding. Then he hit Roy as he started eating Link's boot. Marth, with a look of terror on his face, ran to the new Chansey's EggDonalds on Fourth Street.

Chansey's EggDonalds

Marth ran inside and yelled, "I say, I want a double EggBurger without the eggs, the cheese, the burger, and the bun!"

The confused cashier responded with a worried smirk, "So you want some air?"

"Precisely! Actually, I think I'd like 30!"

"Okay. That will be 280 Gold"

"Here!" Roy handed the cashier 1000 Gold, walked over to a booth and sat down.

The cashier looked around, saw an empty tray on the far end of the counter. She grabbed it and yelled, "Order 747!"

Marth, amazed at the haste, ran up, grabbed the tray, and started to walk back to the booth. He stopped, turned around, and asked the cashier for several boxes. When she gave them to him, he stuffed the air into them, gave back the tray, and ran out the door.

Hyrule Castle

Marth ran into the kitchen, finding Link nursing various wounds. He held out the boxes, and link said, "You got air, didn't you?"

Marth enthusiastically nodded and handed the boxes to Link.

All of a sudden, he heard screams below. Here's what he heard:

"FOOOOOOOOD!"

Crash!

"AAAH! MY FOOT!

CHINK!

"He escaped! Get him!

"AAAAAAAAAUUUURGH!

Patter patter patter!

The door burst open as Roy ran through. He grabbed the boxes, opened them, and emptied the contents into his mouth. "All better," he said as he walked away.

Marth started giggling. Link asked why, and Marth said, "I put my pet monkey Fluffy's poo in there! It wanted an apartment." and walked after Roy, laughing uncontrollably.

Link just stared after them and went back to nursing his wounds.

What did you think? REVIEW! Or you'll have to answer to Dybbuk Bowser!

Dybbuk Bowser: **Sandwich...**


	4. Chapter 4

1

Get Ready

an SSBM fanfic by Xysti

Sorry it took so long to update! I was too busy playing Runescape!

All weird catch phrases and disturbing song lyrics © me. Don't copy them OR YOUR HEAD! NRRnRNNnNRnNRNrnRNRrNRRNrnrRNNR!

Disclaimer: The disclaimer quit, because it was underpaid to say the same thing. Here's its replacement:

(No fic writers were harmed or forced to do the monkey dance in the making of this sequence. The person playing pkmn7haku123 is Richard Simmons(Yes, I do have permission from Pkmn7haku123 to put him in. I based PY on him.).)

Pkmn7haku123: Do the monkey dance, doo doo doo doo doo... Come on, people! Move like the thin monkey inside you screaming to come out!

Phone: Ring! Ring!

Pkmn7haku123: Hello?

Disclaimer: you IDIOT! Even though that disturbing song is catchy, you have to say something along the lines of "SSBM and its characters are not owned by me. I will add some of my own, though.". Do it... NOW... And also any quotes by the main character in Neverwinter Nights® are not owned by me.

pkmn7haku123: Mm'kay. Sorry.

(If you want to be included in the story somewhere, e-mail me! I'll pick the first five)

Commercial: Stuff!

It's stuff. 'Nuff said.

Commercial: More Stuff!

Just more of a good thing!

PY and Yoshi ran through ?'s(I will unclassify the name later.) main hall, looking for the exit. Yoshi saw a shiny neon sign far away just as a giant TV on wheels running a nature program rolled in front of them. They stopped to watch...

"This Common Potato(_potatus commonus_) you see is native to south-eastern Asia. It's ferocity in battle is not even matched by the famed veloceraptor of dinosaur times. Ah, you see there, the potato has spotted its prey, the Deep Fryer(_fryus deepus_). Yes, it's closing in..."

"Ooh, that was brutal! The Fryer is no more! I haven't seen carnage like that since I tried to douse the fire in MacDonald's kitchen with gasoline!"

Hyrule Castle: Observation Headquarters

Marth was watching the same nature program on the observation screen. "Heh, it's just a stupid potato... Hey! Where'd the potato on the floor come from? It's growling... AAAAH! No... Stay back... AAAAH! Ouch... RUN! AAAAH! Mommy... No... NO! I'VE HAD ENOUGH! SPARE ME! AAAAAAAAAAH!"

PY and Yoshi were fleeing down the hall, being chased by thousands of potatoes. Yoshi said, "Bweewo!" and ran towards the exit. Right before the door, PY turned around and shouted something in a weird language. All of a sudden, huge graters burst from the floor, dripping in grease and salt. After the resulting slicing sounds, Yoshi opened its eyes again and was delighted to see mountains of French fries at its feet. After grabbing as much as it could carry, Yoshi followed PY to the escape pod, shut the door, and blasted away.

A Fat Person's Stomach

GROAN! Gurgle gurgle...

Hyrule Castle Roof

Popo was running in circles and laughing around a sleeping Link. A huge crash as the landing escape pod... er... landed and woke Link up. He and Popo both watched the pod with interest. It opened, and hundreds of golden fries poured out. Before they knew it, they were both eating as much as they could. After a few unpleasant feelings, a sparkling mist appeared next to each and figures appeared. Next to Link was Young Link, and next to Popo was Nana. PY and Yoshi jumped out, and PY yelled, "I WANT SOME!" but Yoshi stopped him and threw the rest of the fries into the Portable Immolator that happened to be in the vicinity. Yoshi was going to explain to PY that it would create a "kinda-different-twin-thing" but, all that came out was "(put random Yoshi gibberish here)!". PY shook his head but turned to the silent quartet, and explained everything that happened in their long absence.

Marth ran to onto roof and shut and locked the trapdoor behind him. He flinched as thumps and growls emanated from the other side, then sat on the door. He just looked at everyone and said, "Potatoes." then looked for something heavy to support his endeavor.

10 minutes later

All the Smashers were on the roof, trying to get Marth to stop calling PY Ponyboy, Pichu screaming, "Come on, chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu his toes off!" and making a plan to get back towards the slave they once knew as Zelda. Their best hope, because the pod exploded, was the poo-cannon.

Reviewify it!


	5. Chapter 5

1

Get Ready

an SSBM fanfic by Xysti

Disclaimer: no, I do not own SSBM or any of its characters. I will add some of my own, though. I don't own eBay® either.

Funky catch phrases and disturbing song lyrics © me. Don't copy them.

Commercial: College Days, by Pkmn7haku123 and me!

The SSBM fanfic that I'm helping to write! It's good! Check it out!

Commercial: Megas XLR!

On Cartoon Network at 3:30... AM. Good if you have insomnia.

Commercial: Fruit of the Doom!

Making the "Pants of Doom" and other assorted Doom garments since 2003.

Warning: this chapter contains n00bish. If you do not understand this language, it sucks to be you. Hire a translator.

Hyrule Castle Roof

Mewtwo was levitating off the floor with his eyes closed and his legs in a meditation pose. Everyone was looking at him, wondering how he could do that without hurting himself. Then he opened his eyes wide and shouted, "I HAVE NEWS FROM THE GREAT BEYOND! OH, IT IS HORRIBLE!"

Everybody gathered around to hear the it. After a large silence, Kirby asked, "Well? What is the horrible news?

"POSER MOBILE SAYS YOU OUTTA PRE-PAID MINUTES, YO!"

"AAH! AAH! AA- What?"

"DO NOT MAKE ME REPEAT... OH MY GOD! THE AWESOMENESS! SOMEONE IS SELLING A PICKLED OTTER ON eBAY!"

Nana looked hopeful. "For how much?"

"THREE DOLLARS AND FORTY-SEVEN CENTS!"

All the Smashers looked doubtful.

"'BUY IT NOW' PRICE!"

They all gasped. Nana was thinking. There was no way... she had always wanted one of those... and for so cheap... there had to be a catch...

"What's the catch? And how are you able to know what's on eBay if we don't have Internet here?

"THE SHIPPING IS SEVERAL THOUSAND DOLLARS. I SEE THE INTERNET WITH THESE AWESOME VIDEO FEED CONTACT LENSES. AND I USE MY TAIL AS AN INTERNET RECEIVER ANTENNA THINGY. OF DOOM. Hey! Uh, I mean, HEY! TWENTY-EIGHT MATTRESSES! FOR CHEAP! I'M ORDERING THEM!"

He telekinetinetically clicked the mouse. His tail exploded.

Meanwhile...

n00bland

The n00bs were all running around the factory. There was an alarm going off. One n00b ran over to several other n00bs talking hurriedly about the events. This was their conversation:

"Wut!1/11?1 Sum 1 ordured ar metrusses!1/11/1/1/1"

"Et's troo!1!1!1!1111! Tha ordurd 28!1!1111!1!11!"

"Ull 28?1?1?"

"Ull 28!11!1!111!1!111!"

"Wut wel wi du/1?1?"

"Shud wu..."

"Wu shud!11!11!1!111!"

"CUM UN, N00BS!11!111!1! WU MEST COL KEPTIN PLENIT!1!11!111"

"URTH!1!11!1!111!"

"WEND!1!11!1!11"

"FIYUR!1!11111!1!"

"WOTUR!11!111!11"

Captain Planet burst through the window. All the n00bs started to sing the Captain Planet theme song. When they were done, Captain Planet spoketh in n00bish:

"Wut es thu prublem!1?1?"

"Sum 1 ordurd metrusses!1!1111"

"Hou meny?1/1/1!"

"Ull uf thum!1!11!1! Wu ned u... 2 DULIVUR!111!11!11!1!"

"I wun't fale u!1!1!111!1!"

He took the two boxes of mattresses in his arms and flew away, while the n00bs yelled,

"THENK U, KEPTIN PLENIT!11!11!"

Hyrule Castle Roof

Roy was pacing on the roof, alone. When were the mattresses coming? He was tired of sleeping on the metal slab that was the only bed left in the castle. He suddenly fell into a shadow, looked up, and was squashed by a box of mattresses. Link came bursting up through the trapdoor and pushed the boxes off Roy. When he came out, Roy was acting strange. His voice was quiet and he was hunched over as he pulled his cape around his shoulders.

"_Ouch... so painful... yet so comfy..._"

"Roy! Are you okay?"

"_As only the bloodied assassin knows..._"

"What's wrong with you?"

"_I am the pumpkin king. You shall bow before me... _MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Young Link jumped out of the trapdoor, just to be flattened by another box of mattresses. Link pushed them off and asked,

"Are you okay, or are you like Roy?"

"SLICED BOLOGNA! Uh oh..."

"What?"

"ANCHOVY PIZZA! Sorry, I couldn't help it!"

"Okay. Now help me figure out what's with this guy"

"_Impetuous mortals. You shall face my WRATH!_"

"Neato. What do you think is wrong with him, YL?

"CHEESE NIBBLETS! Sorry! That just... happens! Every time you ask a question!"

"_Heh. Your doom is my reward..._"

"Sorry? What was that?" Link asked.

"MICE CHOPS!"

"_Uh... I said your shroom is my reward. You owe me a mushroom for helping you carry the mattresses..._"

"Oh. Whatever." was Links response before he and YL both grabbed the ends of a mattress and hauling it through the trapdoor. When they were gone, Roy followed as he muttered,

"_Fool. Your shroom awaits..._"

What is wrong with YL and Roy? What happened to PY, the poo-cannon, and the potatoes? Tune in later to find out!


End file.
